Keeps going down!

Today my levels were 960, so we are still going in the right direction. Thank you again for all of your prayers. I met with a friend yesterday who had had a miscarriage last year. It was so good to speak to someone who knows what I've been feeling and can really say they have been through it. One thing that she said really struck me. She said that God told her he wanted her to have another baby. She wasn't sure about it, but before she knew it she was pregnant. She knew that God had told her he wanted this and then she and her husband lost it. She said she was so angry at first, how could he tell her to get pregnant when he knew this would happen? Now, she can really see that he wanted her to have the experience. To be able to tell another woman, "I know what you are going through" and really mean it. 

Although God did not tell me specifically to try to get pregnant, Jack and I did pray about starting a new family and thought it was the right time. It is just different to look at it from the perspective that God allowed it but at the same time he knows the ending. He knew the pain I would feel and the exhaust. In some weird way, it makes it more comforting. Although I didn't hear from him directly, hearing her tell that story sort of allowed me to hear from him that it's okay, Cindi. I knew, I know, and I will always know what you are going through and give you what is best. Not sure if any of that makes since, but I heard the Lord through my friend yesterday. It was like he was speaking to me, directly. It wasn't the lesson of him trying to say that I can help others through this process-I get that and I do want that. I feel like a lot of things I've been through have helped other people. It was the emotional part of it. No thoughts or deep meaning. It was simply feeling the Lord say I care about you and it cutting into my heart.

It was also good to just talk about it again. I've been so busy that I haven't had time to remember the grieving part. Being so tied up in getting well and looking to the future has stopped me from looking at the past and the present. I am so thankful God pursued me to stop and listen to him.