and so it goes

Levels today... 320! It's getting there... pray that I listen to what God is telling me. I was quite frustrated and upset today even though my levels are going down. I just am getting tired, I think it was the hour and a half wait for a 2 minute shot that got me started. I honestly just don't want to go back any more. I know I should be thankful for it going down but today I just am not. I am just tired of it. I think I want control over the situation and there is absolutely nothing I can do. I can't make the nurses give it to me faster, I can't make it go to zero, and I can't go my schedule. This is the ugly truth of my day that I am angry because I'm tired, out of control, and scared. Maybe even untrusting. I pray I give up that control and let the Lord carry this through. Good days and bad days, this is definitely a bad one. And it's hard for me not to be the optimistic Cindi that I normally am and show this side of me, but here is my shame and pain. I'm thankful for it so I can know without a shadow of a doubt that I need the Lord. I need him.