If I was a betting woman, I'd bet on me

Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. We met with my oncologist this morning-I swear I almost threw up before hand-and now we have a plan. The abnormal cells did come back, despite having a 90% chance of it not, and now we have no choice but to treat it. If you remember, I had the testing done from New Mexico and it said it was benign and wouldn't respond to chemo. There was a disclaimer and it said that there was a 10% chance of it coming back and would have to be treated with chemotherapy. We have great odds with this stuff!
Basically over the last couple months, my levels have risen, lowered, risen, risen, risen. My Dr. said we have no choice but to either a. treat with chemotherapy called EMACO- a five drug treatment or b. hysterectomy but may still need chemotherapy afterwards considering we don't know for sure where the cells are. I already knew my answer going in. I'm not ready to give up and I'm ready to fight. It is exhausting, especially knowing it's been over a year since this all started, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't fight.
SO now we have a long road. Tomorrow I get a portacath, an iv access under the skin on my chest that accesses to a vein. I decided to do this instead of the PICC this time because I won't have as much weight restrictions and I can shower. I also figured Dalton can't play with it. Monday I am admitted to Baptist to start EMACO. He did say it is rough and that bone marrow suppression is the biggest side effect. It means I will have to wash my hands a lot, refrain from being around sickos (being actually ill, not sick in the head. Although I don't want to be around them either), rest up, and remain hydrated. I may/may not loose hair and I will be nausated and tired. Saying all that, I can do it! I am up for this fight. I think my concern is making sure Dalton is cared for, but I know I have lots of loving people ready to be there. I will miss him like crazy on those two days, but it will be worth it. So the schedule will be Monday and Tuesday in the hospital, blood draw on Friday, Tuesday 2 drug treatment in the office, and then start again the following Monday. I will do this until normal and then 3 more after. So best case scenario is 8 weeks.
We are in shock and can't believe we are back here. We also can't believe the day before we heard about all this, we had a match for adoption and have to turn it down. It's just not the right timing and have no idea if and when this will end.  I'm having to trust God's timing in this and I believe, but I don't always believe, especially when it comes to Dalton's health. When I don't believe, I have others around me that do and that's important. Thanks for the encouragement and I will continue to update you on the progress. For those asking what you can do, I'd say this: Prayer, first. Company-I may need some friends at the hospital. I'm not sure about food yet-I may not be eating but I know Jack will have to. Once things come up I will let you know what we need. Love you!

Thankful, yet scared

Hey friends-would love your prayers this week. Dalton is still not doing great, another breakout of eczema. I'm starting him with a pediatric dermatologist at Vanderbilt, but can't get an appointment until November. In the meantime, I'm praying he gets some relief. I would greatly appreciate your prayers for patience and insight on this. I'm a little bit at the end of my rope and just want him to have a normal childhood.
Also, my hcg beta levels are up again. They have been fluctuating, but in the last four weeks they've continued to rise. I got an ultrasound on Friday, which looked normal, and I get an MRI and chest xray tomorrow. I didn't share the news earlier because I wasn't quite sure of what it meant but it is serious. I meet with my doctor on Wednesday to discuss the next treatment option. I'm positive it will mean more chemotherapy. Pray they will be wise in their treatment, as well as Jack and I, and that it won't be too painful. There are a lot of unknowns right now, but we definitely need the prayers. I'll continue to update you.

So thankful for this little guy. Often overwhelmed by the gift God gave us.

Thankful for friends and chocolate dipped paletas

Nuff said (new kitchen cabinets behind!)

And paddleboarding. Ahh, relaxing.

We finished dry wall and paint on our basement, I will post pictures soon. Our neighbors will be moving in with us for a short time, which I'm starting to think is perfect timing because I'm going to need some help! Love you all. Thanks for voting on the t-shirt colors!

Help!

Our next fundraiser, assuming we pass our home study, will be a t-shirt fundraiser. I would love your opinion about what color tshirt you would like and *the challenge* what your husband would, too. Here's a link to the american apparel shirt and a list of colors. Please tell me your top two.

The first shirt we've decided on is a Crievehall shirt. I'm considering just putting "crievehall" or I've thought about a maple tree since they are rampant here. Maybe a mole or a railroad or a dirt man with a mask and wheel barrel (just kidding on those last three). 

I also want to do a t-shirt for our non-Crievehall friends. I don't quite have that idea together. I know I don't want it to say "When God closes a door, he opens a window" or something corny like that. I actually want it to be cool and something people would like to wear. It could have absolutely nothing to do with adoption. If you have a design you've always wanted on a t-shirt, give it to me.

 Let me know what you think! I mean, if you want, but I would greatly appreciate it. 

PS. We turned in our home study paperwork on Monday! The only thing lacking are our physicals, which we both couldn't get an appointment until the end of August and middle of September.  I have a secret to tell: I haven't had a primary doctor since my pediatrician. Bad, I know. 

Some people say my head is too big for my body and I say, compared to what?

Dalton loves the meow mix commercial and for selfish reasons I let him watch again and again on youtube because he dances and smiles. It's so darn cute but the problem is he wants to watch it a lot. I was searching for other videos that I might like, too. Videos I don't tire of after 5 straight times. Ooo, Funny cats and Dogs!

Dalton likes to look at the dogs and cats. They are kinda funny and I reminisce of the old days with the Nintendo background music (I have words I made up to them as a child). But I can't watch it more than once. It's 8 minutes long. Seriously.
OH! Marcel, the shell. Dalton will like it and so do I. If you've never seen it, it's hilarious. The voice is Jenny Slate from SNL. Some good one liners in there. "Guess what I use to tie my skis to my car? A hair. Guess what my skis are. Toenails from a man." I think it will make you smile. I think. Well, it did for me and Dalton. He still wants to watch meow mix.