Be still before the Lord...

I want to tell you about how God spoke to me personally yesterday. I also want you to know I tell you because you are my friends, I want to praise God appropriately, and to encourage you when you don't seem to hear from him. I hope it comes across that way.
I got my last blood draw of the year yesterday. At the beginning of the year, I got a long list of dates to come in and be monitored. December 9th was the last one on the list. I didn't necessarily know that this was the last one or just on this particular sheet of paper. When I called to tell them I would just draw my blood at work and send it, I also wanted to know what was the next move (I secretly was hoping he would release me, but didn't want to get too excited). The nurse said she would call me back... at work, I received the call that he would continue drawing my blood for the next year. Only every 6 months, so two more times. I sheepishly asked, "Does that mean we can't start trying for more kids yet?". She replied "no, you can't".
I was devastated. My heart ached. I hung up, tears streaming down my face and felt panic begin to rise in my chest. I went in the bathroom and started to cry.
I wasn't expecting this; another year of waiting.
I started to pray and talk myself through what I just read about in my bible that morning and asked God to help me do it: obey. Lord, you are good. Lord, you are in control. You are always good. It helped for a moment, but then my mind started to plan. Adoption? No money. Years to come by. Surrogate? How do I even figure out how to go about doing that? Will they let me? No, I need scripture. I have to stop planning and let him lead. I need to pull it together. I have a girl waiting for a pregnancy test. A pregnancy test.
The holy spirit told me to open my bible and I open immediately to Psalm 37. Not flipped, just opened it. This is what the Holy Spirit personally spoke to me:

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!" Psalm 37:3-7


By the way, it was also noonday. 12:49, to be exact. It was exactly what I needed to remind me He is in control, no matter what. He will act and to wait patiently. I have no idea how I can do it, but I don't have to because he will provide strength and direction.
I continued through the busy day, occasionally realizing that my work triggers emotions. This work requires lots of prayer, especially when it's dealing with exactly what you long for.
At some point I call the nurse back to ask to speak to my oncologist. It wasn't the original plan we talked about, so she said she would call me back, but it probably wouldn't be today. She called back at 5 and I missed it by one ring. I call, it's the answering service. She calls me again while I'm listening to the answering service.
She tells me that we can start trying to have a family. We don't have to wait. IT's over. The waiting is over, they will monitor two more times over the next year. That is it.
I weep and weep some more. My God did answer... in some ways 2 1/2 years later, in some ways, 4 hours later. Praise God. I still have no idea about the future and I'm not promised more children or long years of good health. What I am promised is that he will bring forth my righteousness, justice, and give me the desires of my heart. In the end, that is enough. And when I forget that, I will go back to this day of how God blatantly and intentionally answered my prayer. And he will again and again, in his perfect timing.
Sunday at church, we read through when Jesus is at the garden of gethsemane and it's first time he's been distressed and troubled. It wasn't when there were storms all around him or his friends dying, it was before facing separation from God when he was going to take on the sins of the world. This keeps striking me, that I can no longer fear men or the future. What I really should fear beyond anything is being apart from my God.
Thanks for letting me share my fears and sorrows... but mostly how our God is personal and powerful.

Aw, Applesauce

Here are some more pictures from the party:

The bar with a couple of fun recipes: Bees Knees, French 75, and white lady.
I made a couple of syrups to make it easier to make your own. I think people like
pretending their a bartender for a hot minute.

Tea cups and mason jars covered in paperbags. I got the tea cup idea from that speakeasy in NY.

The flying cupcake pinata. Always a pinata and always dress up.

34

It's that time of year again when I get to dress up within two weeks of each other-halloween and my birthday.
The day of my birthday Jack and I went to Rolf and Daughters and it did not disappoint. It's a rather new restaurant in Germantown. It has a rustic feel, with rustic and exciting food. It was my birthday and I was feeling adventurous... I got the squid ink pasta. It was yummy and now I can say I had something with squid ink. I always see them using it on top chef and wonder what in the world that would taste like, now I know (and I can be snobby and say things like "squid ink is so 2012"). We also had sourdough bread with seaweed butter, sweet potatoes baked with a chili sauce and lime, and last the best named dish, aged meatballs (that's what she said). Dessert was a dark chocolate tart made with the delicious olive and sinclair Nashville chocolate. It was a fabulous evening in my foodie heart.
My party: Roaring 20's Speakeasy. I kind of became semi-obsessed with the idea of a speakeasy after going to the Green Mill in Chicago-shout out to my Chicago roomies- and a bar in New York designed to look like a speakeasy. I don't even remember the name, maybe because there was no sign and we went through an actual alley to get in. It was awesome. I felt like I stepped back in time.
Okay, now the party! These were my invites:

These were my nails:

Marchesa line nail stickers. Just stick and file to nail shape. They stayed on for a week and there were 8 extras (or 2 less, whatever way you want to look at it :))

Our basement provided the perfect atmosphere for a secret backdoor speakeasy (almost like I planned it). Jack made this peep hole for password entry and discretion. The password was... new england clam chowder (Which one? Ah, I can never remember that... the white?). Ace Ventura reference for those of you who think I'm crazy.

I put up these red curtains for a warm, dark feel. I love using my talented
husband for party projects.

I wanted it to feel like you were walking into an alley. Whiskey barrel,
empty boxes, newspaper, and bottles.

A posted closed sign

Table spread

I picked up this art deco paper from paper source, feathers from hobby lobby for a $1, old books & a cigar bos I had
lying around, pearls I borrowed from Kate (thanks!).

I get a lot of decor from what I already have which is part of why I love throwing parties. It's
really fun for me to get creative. I had the frame and belcourt print, spray painted jar, and filling station growler. I printed off the "hair of the dog" and other printables from this website

"men's" cigar room with a cigarette tray. I meant to have someone carry
this around like a cigarette girl, but that probably would have been uncomfortable.
I also love saying "And How!"

Printed Wanted signs from the internet

I have about 15 old bottles that were found on Jack's grandfather's farm. They were
perfect decor for the party.

More about the food and photo booth pics next post!

And if I stare too long, I'll probably break down and cry

Why not dress up twice on Halloween?

Rosie the Riveter by day, Axl Rose by night. Those tats look really authentic.

The Echerd's came Auburn themed. Katherine and Brett, the refs, Lilian the cheerleader, Hayes the football player, and George, Aubie. He wasn't feeling so well as seen my his lifeless body.

Happy Birthday hayes! (This is my embarrassed my mom is watching me sing this birthday song face)

Gluten free cupcake, yes please! Never thankful that others have food aversions, but thankful when
substitutions are available.
I've never gotten sad before about Dalton's allergies, I've just accepted them. It's just normal for him and he really doesn't know the difference.Today I did get sad for the first time. His class had thanksgiving cookies and everyone had one but him. I didn't know they were doing it so I hadn't packed a dessert substitution. He didn't say a word about it, so I should move on, too.

I promised

Here are some beautiful pictures from Mary (and a couple of unprofessionals from me) at Lindsey's shower. BTW, she had a boy! Terrariums, woodland animals, mushrooms, and gnomes galore. Her nursery is perfect. Wish I had pictures.

Let's have a woodlands/fairytale shower! I got it from a shop on Etsy.

I had way too much fun making this gnome house

A gnome had a friend over for dinner. He's a dwarf (this is much different from a gnome). 

Oh, it's too much.

Decor that doubles as a gift is always a bonus. Lindsey took home her cloud mobile,
"W", little animals, and a wreath you will not see in any of these pictures. Bummer.

These cupcakes! Sinclair did a fabulous job. Jack contributed by making
the fabulous log platters.

Katie Cowan, you are too much! Adorable. Our wooden farm table really worked for the shower.
It's got that much lived in look.

Favorite picture

I found this "Making TV Programs" children's book at McKays. Pretty perfect for Lindz.

The hostesses. We did not plan the green

Mary made these too-cute-for-words pins for Lindsey and the grandmothers

The new parents. You guys.