For Good

Here's a couple of pictures on what we've been doing lately:

Basement is now empty and bare. Framing has begun!

Stairs rebuilt. Much better. Let's hope I don't fall down them again.

The fireplace will stay-gas logs. 

The floor underneath the carpet was red tile! Asbestos and all that.

Laundry room, for now.

Landscaping! We will seed the grass in the fall

Much better. Much much better.

We also added some house numbers and my plant in the Jack Daniels barrel
that I got from Jack on mothers day is doing great!

Kitchen cabinets in, so we have a lot of cabinets right now. I'm thinking of doing a
catering business. No I'm not.

We also had a yard sale last weekend, our first adoption fundraiser, and we raised half of our home study fee! We are thankful and it reminds me that if this is what God wants, he will provide. We met with our adoption counselor last week and received a load of papers. Currently we are trying to fill out all 7 questionnaires and all the appropriate medical paperwork. It's like they want to make sure we are responsible or something.

D money.

Yard Sale items. The woman that bought this was very excited.

Our yard sale bouncer

It's also been a strange and sad week with the shootings in Colorado and a close family friend taking his life. Last night I attended the funeral, which was beautiful. In the moment it brought me comfort, but soon after I was sad again. It just made me remember I have to put everything into Christ or I'll completely fail. There's no other hope. I heard the most amazing version of How Great Thou Art that I've ever heard that made me cry like a little baby. I was sad that my friend's wife would have to experience this heartache. That his one year old grandson would never know him and how could he do this to them. But in the funeral the singer sang a song called "For Good" based on Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Everything horrible and bad, God can turn to good. I trust that. I am constantly trusting him to do that in my friends life and my own. It's so hard to see your friends hurting and I have lots of them doing that now, but I trust God will be faithful to turn it to growth and beauty.
Another thing that caused me to stop was one friend's description of success, it's not money or business, but finding that people love you. You touch other's lives in positive ways and they feel loved. You are loved by others. Friends. Lives. Investing in personal relationship. This made me stop and think about those I love and refocus what I spend my time on. Life is so short and I want to make sure my friends know I love them. I hope you know that I do love you. 

Oh yes it's ladies night and I feel alright

Melanie, Mary Jane, and Katy

This past weekend I got the rare opportunity to take a four day vacation with my college friends. We all met in Atlanta and stayed a couple blocks from the Marietta square. If you asked what we did, it would seem boring to most travel experts, but we thought it was the glorious. Eating sitting down without having to make someone else's dinner first, laying on a couch watching HGTV and not curious george, browsing a store as long as you possibly could ever want, and eating lots of dessert. It was so restful and rejuvinating. We actually ate at the same place two nights in a row. Yes, it was that good. (Taqueria Tsunami for those wondering) We shopped. My friend, Melanie, brought crafts. It was so fun. We made necklaces and rings with clay and shrinky dinks. I did not know what these were, to Melanie's shock, but they are one big size and then shrink when you bake them. It was like art therapy. I had lots of pictures showing our crafts and Melanie's beautiful home, but my phone messed up and I lost all pictures. Pff.
We also talked. Talked about our kiddos and marriages. We all came away with one theme, kids suck the life of you and life is hard. It was encouraging to us all to be able to talk about ourselves and not feel guilty that you weren't focused solely on your kids. It was encouraging to hear that other moms struggle and that it is not easy, in fact, it's really hard. It was also relieving to hear that marriage is not a walk in the park, it's hard work to not become co-working roommates instead of man and wife.

Melanie sketched this drawing of Katy's three girls for her shrinky dink necklace

It's easy to keep on in life and think that you are the only one struggling. To look around at other women who seem to have it all together and not an ounce of sadness. The more I talk to moms, the more I can confidently say, we need each other. We need to listen and be brave to speak up and be transparent. To realize no one has it all together. My friends and I also decided that we need older women to tell us it's going to be okay. To encourage us, warn us, and inspire us. I know a lot of women forget how hard having littles can be, like labor, and maybe that's why not as many older women share these hardships. I hope I don't forget, because I know another woman will need me in a state in her life where I have been before.

It's all happening

Things are really crankin' over here at the Barretts. Which is pretty much the standard these days. Dalton did have a horrible bout of sickness, but he is doing tons better thanks to firing his doctor and moving on to a dermatologist. Oh, and God! I prayed every night over Dalton while putting him to bed for God to heal him or at least help us understand what is going on. I just still am amazed at how sweet and calm he is while having such a hard time. It's been a long time coming for him to get relief and I just got to the end of my rope. We are so thankful for some relief for him. He's amazing and such a huge blessing. It's the worst thing in the world watching him suffer.
On a very much different note, we officially mailed in our adoption application! After much praying, research, and bugging a few friends with questions, we have made the big move. It really all started in my heart a long time ago-I'd say when I was a teenager- to adopt. With Jack, we have always talked about it and started the questions before Dalton was born. Now, it's really here. It's strange, but exciting, scary, but hopeful. I will try to create some timeline like other adoption blogs, but I may not. I will keep you updated though. Adoption is a huge world. Even knowing a little information from Hope Clinic, I knew nothing. It has been quite a huge deal sifting through international, domestic, agency, non-agency, etc. I just am praying for God to lead us and I know he will. It's wonderful that he already knows our child and will work out all the details. First we have to get a home study, which sounds frightening but everyone has told me it's no big deal. "Did I mention we're renovating and that we have a scary guard dog that really acts like a scaredy cat?" They tell me this is all fine. But we are a little worried, so I hope it all goes well. Of course, finances are always in my mind especially being we've had the hardest financial year of our lives. Could we have more medical ordeals?! I do believe he's calling us to it and I'm hoping he will provide (I've already thought of several fundraising ideas and this is not a hint to get you to give, I'm just sharing struggles!).
PS. I also started watching Vampire Diaries on Netflix. Yes, I did. And I don't regret it.

Jack turned 33! I made him his favorite, steak. 

Birthday gift! We are out there a lot now. Perfect at night.

Dalton continues to have the best time with his neighbor friend, Amelia. So cute.
(He's also trying to learn not to hit people, thus the hitting reference)

Dalton, you crazy kid

Dalton is 14 months and we are continuing to find out he's got some quirks just like his parents. It's so bizarre seeing them grow so fast before your eyes. It's freakin' me out.

He loves loves loves to be outside and throw the ball with Stella and Abby. He's created an affinity for his blanket and loves tractors. 

Snuggling with Chewy

This kid loves feet. He will get down on the floor and snuggle up to your feet. 

For those "responsible" mommies out there, no that wire is not live.

"I came to dance dance dance dance. I hit the floor cause that's my plans..."

Playdate with his buds.

Hey, slow down there old friend

If you want a good laugh, watch this Will Ferrell appearance on Jimmy Fallon. You will also have the song in your head for weeks. You're welcome http://www.hulu.com/watch/360377

Great news

I have quiescent gestational trophoblastic disease and I have non-invasive syncytiotrophoblast cells! Basically, my mass is benign. We are relieved for this answer to prayer. I got a very long letter from the specialist on Thursday saying to "stop chemotherapy" and that "commonly after 4-6 months these remaining cells will die off or undergo apoptosis". They do give a disclaimer that they could come back and would require treatment (10%), but for now they do not. We continue to make pleas with the Lord that this would be the end of this ordeal. I can definitely do blood draws for as long as it takes compared to chemo. They do think it will be about 18 months-I'm fine with this. I am just thankful for my health and for Dalton. Now I can continue to go to the pool with Dalton (that was one of my biggest fears) and stop running up our medical bills! Ha.
"Alright, now that the popsicle's melted we've got ourselves a tongue depressor" Dr Spaceman

This is a long post

I'm sorry I haven't updated everyone on my levels. There are many reasons for this, one being just not wanting to disappoint or let you down (I didn't even tell my family for a couple months). Now I know this is utterly ridiculous since I have no control over my levels and if you supported me before, I'm sure you will support me again. I kinda felt like everyone was a little sick of hearing about it all and the word "levels". Ugh, I know I'm sick of hearing it. I also wanted to focus on Jack's back and making sure that was doing better. It has just been a hard personal journey, so I felt like a little space to deal with it. That makes no since at all. Anyways...
My levels have been rising slowly since March. They are low and not doubling. I've also been feeling great and not having any symptoms of a problem. My oncology nurse called on the week before I was supposed to go to every other week blood draws (doh!) and said they were up. Not much, but up. I was devastated. It completely hit me out of left field because I had absolutely no trouble last time once I hit zero. I kept it to myself, except Jack, and pretended it didn't happen. But then they kept going up and I was wondering why they didn't schedule me to go back to the hospital. After about a month in a half of this, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and this is what they know:
Basically, they will not repeat the actinomycin because they've been there and done that. Next, is figuring out if this is a persistent trophoblastic tumor/choriocarcinoma or just placental tissue that will resolve itself. The first option is about a 20% chance of occurring, the last is 80%. This is reassuring, but we have been pretty lucky in hitting the odds (I've hit several 0.01% chances). The way they are figuring all this out is through a lab in New Mexico, the only one in the US, with a specialist there. I sent off urine and blood for him a couple weeks ago. We were hoping to hear about it that week because he was going to be gone for 2 weeks. We did not hear before he left, so we are waiting to hear now in about a week. This was fine with me because Jack's surgery was the next week and I just wanted to focus on him. I could live in ignorant bliss a little bit longer.
You may be wondering what the next step will be after this. If it does come back as just placental tissue, the 80% chance, they will continue to monitor me for the next 18 months at the least. My doctor thinks it will resolve itself. There comes the next question of waiting for trying for another baby again and it will have to be at least 18 months. We were supposed to get the clear in July. When I heard this, I teared up a little, but God gave me strength that day to hear it and be comforted. No, it's not what I thought my timeline would look like to end all this, but I know he is in control. I rest in that and that alone. Not my emotions or my shallow idea of a family, but his all-knowing plan for our lives. It's still hard, but I have been mourning this for a while since all this occurred. I knew it would be a while, if ever at all.
The other scenario, the 20%, would be either more chemo or a hysterectomy. The other two of the three options I had before. I did the actinomycin and now they would do the 8-9 chemo treatment. If that doesn't work, then a hysterectomy. We are praying daily that this option is not the one.
Can you see why wasn't sure if I wanted to share all this?! It's so confusing and rare and scary to a lot of my friends and family. I just didn't want to worry anyone or answer a lot of questions that I didn't even know the answer to. In about a week I will know a lot more information and will promise to update you on it.
In the meantime I would love prayer for my health and my family. We've have been through a lot and are continuing to go through it. I would say I need prayer for strength to get through the day and to run to God for all of it. I've had "I asked the Lord" by Indelible Grace on repeat for about three weeks now because I identify with the writers pain and realization that God loves us perfectly. Even though his love looks like torture, it truly is not. He's inviting us in to be with him.
Can I say on a side note that when I looked up these lyrics that "I asked the Lord to kill my husband" popped up. Um, what?! I don't even want to know.

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He'd answer my request;
And by His loves constraining powr,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry powrs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou mayst find thy all in Me.