Update

I couldn't sleep last night. I was a nervous nelly. My dreams were extremely weird, too. Alligators, old presidents, robbers, jungles, headless popsicles...
But my levels today are 9! Under 10! Whoo hoo! I start my next treatment Monday and will check levels/blood work again on Thursday. Thank you for your prayers-I prayed for all of you while I was awake at 3 in the morning. I thought maybe God had a reason for waking me, so I prayed for you. Seriously, I went down the list of friends and prayed because you guys have been praying non-stop for me. It's humbling.
I got this prayer from my Aunt's church yesterday I wanted to share:
"Lord, we love you. You are our strength. You are our rock, our fortress, our protector. You are our place of refuge. We confess our unbelief and worry. Please help us to put our trust in You. Thank you for your guidance in these days of uncertainty and delivering me from all my fears. We ask all this according to Your will, knowing that your ways are high above our ways and that your grace is sufficient." I hope it encourages you as it did me.

a couple pics

Here's some pictures from Christmas. Dalton had fun playing with paper and boxes. We didn't really get him anything, except a whole lotta love! Ahh.

hahha. He has the same expression in all the pictures.  

This last picture is not Christmas but a very unfortunate event. This is Dalton's friend, Lilian. They have on the same shirt. Her's is a dress. Hate it when that happens, especially when it's the other gender.

Must haves

Hey, remember when I sent out that email to some of you to send out your favorite go-to weeknight dinners. Yeah, I sent you several recipes and hoped for maybe one or two from you guys. NO ONE RESPONDED. Denied. I felt like a looser. Am I making you feel bad? Good. (ha, just kidding. not really, I still need recipes)
I wanted to share a couple of my favorite kitchen tools and one non-kitchen related.
Lemon juicer. Must have! I love it because it's so easy and it catches all the seeds. Just cut lemon in half, put in juicer and there ya go.
Dressing emulsifier. I love this thing. It's got recipes for dressings on the side and it emulsifies the oil and vinegar with a pulse of the handle. $11 at Target.
Pastry scrapper. You are thinking right now "wow, cindi makes pastry, too?" I use this to pick up veggies and herbs, etc. that I chop. It makes it much easier to throw into your dish. I don't think I've used it to make pastry once.
Silpat- Non-stick sheet that can go in the oven. If you make scones on the mat, just slip it on your cookie sheet and place in the oven. No need to move the scones, they are already in the place they will cook. Same thing with cookies, calzones, pastry, caramels, etc. You never have to grease it and cleans extremely well.
Temporal Artery Thermometer- Yes, it works. 5 seconds. Worth it.

I'm still trying to love beets. Please send me your best beet recipe that will win me over. I tried roasting them with parsnips and carrots tonight. They were edible. Not the best, but I could stomach them. I tried them in my juice and it was not happening. Jack asked why won't I just not like them. I guess I pride myself on liking all foods, kind of like most people. I feel bad that I don't like you, beets. You look like your having so much fun with everyone. Living it up in salads, juices, cake, even. Plus, you are supposed to be healthy.

My chemo nurse gave me this recipe for kale and brussel sprout salad. It's delicious. I couldn't find tuscan kale, I just used the darker kind or use whatever is at Kroger. Just make sure you take out the middle rib. I also omitted the cheese for vegan purposes, but I'm sure it will kick it up a notch. Don't be scared. I wouldn't steer you wrong.

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
• 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
• 1 tablespoon minced shallot
• 1 small garlic clove, finely grated
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt plus more for seasoning
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 2 large bunches of Tuscan kale (about 1 1/2 lb. total), center stem discarded, leaves thinly sliced
• 12 ounces brussels sprouts, trimmed, finely grated or shredded with a knife
• 1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil, divided
• 1/3 cup almonds with skins, coarsely chopped (I used walnuts and pecans, too!)
• 1 cup finely grated Pecorino

Preparation

• Combine lemon juice, Dijon mustard, shallot, garlic, 1/2 tsp. salt, and a pinch of pepper in a small bowl. Stir to blend; set aside to let flavors meld. Mix thinly sliced kale and shredded brussels sprouts in a large bowl.
• Measure 1/2 cup oil into a cup. Spoon 1 Tbsp. oil from cup into a small skillet; heat oil over medium-high heat. Add almonds to skillet and stir frequently until golden brown in spots, about 2 minutes. Transfer nuts to a paper towel-lined plate. Sprinkle almonds lightly with salt.
• Slowly whisk remaining olive oil in cup into lemon-juice mixture. Season dressing to taste with salt and pepper. DO AHEAD Dressing, kale mixture, and toasted almonds can be prepared 8 hours ahead. Cover dressing and kale mixture separately and chill. Cover almonds and let stand at room temperature.
• Add dressing and cheese to kale mixture; toss to coat. Season lightly with salt and pepper. Garnish with almonds.
  
  This last recipe has one ingredient. One. Uno. And it's Vegan. And dessert. Are you ready?
  1 frozen banana.
  Puree in food processor until creamy consistency like ice cream. Yes, ice cream. Voila.
  You can top with whatever you chose. Honey, chocolate, caramel, coconut, peanut butter... but then again you may take away the healthiness of it. You might as well eat ice cream. But I promise, this is delicious! I eat it alone, with a spoon, and I am happy.

Las Vegas

Thought I would share a couple of pictures from our trip. Part getaway-part let's celebrate our 7 year anniversary, it was nice to leave our everyday crazy life for 4 days. We only gambled twice in slot machines. Yes, sad I know but we aren't gamblers. Jack likes to play poker and craps but it's kind of blah when your with your wife who doesn't really enjoy it.

so many things to take pictures of and we take this.

The classic take your own picture picture.

I swapped places with my 9 year-old self the next day on the way back. It was weird for Jack.

First day we walked around the strip to see the lights and ate in the Mirage at the BLT burger place. They had a falafel burger that ways okay, but the sweet potato fries were awesome. Their milk shakes looked insanely good. Too bad we were eating vegan. boo! Lame! hiss!
Saturday we attempted to go to the Stratosphere to ride the rides on the roof but it was too windy. Wish the cabby would have informed us this may have been a possibility before he took us there. "Something I could have known yesterday!" We had a nice walk back because the weather was great and we saw a tumbleweed blowing around with all the nudy cards. Let's take a moment to talk about these nudy cards. What the heck?! And they have this little flip system to hand them out. Girls in 20 minutes. Why is everyone pretending this is okay?!
That night we got to MGM early and walked around, then went to KA, a cirque du soleil show in the category of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. It was amazing. I was extremely tired from the medication, but I perked up after about 20 minutes. Afterwards we went to a sushi restaurant, Shibuya, and cheated from our vegan diet. Our rolls were quite tasty and we got a Saki flyte since the place had the biggest collection of Saki in North America. Whoa, Cindi and Jack ate dinner at 9, then we watched the fountains at Bellagio (amazing!) and the volcano at Mirage (lame!). Watch out you crazy kids.
Sunday I was in a bad way so I slept for a long time (from the medicine, not saki. It wasn't that much!) and Jack picked up breakfast and lunch for us. That afternoon we went to the Titanic and bodies exhibit at the Luxor. The titantic always brings me back to '98 and my friend, Lish, and I are upstairs giggling about Leonardo DiCaprio with Celine Dion repeat. Our boyfriends, Jack and Ty, are downstairs not caring.
The exhibit was great-complete with realistic iceberg and an actual piece of the titantic wall. They give you a passport at the beginning of an actual person on the ship and at the end you find out if they made it. I got a little teary. But hey, I made it! Jack was not so lucky. "Jack! Jack! It's so cold, Jack"
Bodies was also amazing but Jack was not as excited. The fetal and circulation room was the best. I can't describe to you the emotion of the fetal room. Probably not the best idea for me to go in, but I'm glad I did. That room was powerful. Everyone should see it before and after having children. Or if you don't. The whole thing reminded me of nursing school and how much I love medicine. God is brilliant.
That night Jack and I decided to see another cirque du soleil show since we loved it so much. We saw O-this one in water majority of the time. The stage took something like 70 million dollars to build with a pool of water that changes constantly. We were annoyed by a pair of couples that wouldn't stop talking behind us. Then they went to the bathroom and came back with drinks, which they spilled. Nice. A family in front  of us ended up leaving early (what is with you people? are you made of money?) so we stole their seats.
Monday was our favorite day because we left Las Vegas and went to the Hoover Dam and Red Rock Canyon. We rented a car and drove to Bolder to take the Dam tour. Afterwards, we went to town and ate at a quaint restaurant with sidewalk seating. Sangria, oh yes I will! Next, we headed to Red Rock Canyon where they had lots of trails and a 13 mile sightseeing drive. I took us on a hike where I kind of lost the trail. After about 40 minutes we realized it and got back on track. Good thing I'm so quick to recover since it's the desert and all.
Overall, we had a great getaway. Lots of sleep and quality time. We won't be returning to Las Vegas ever-just not our bag. I said if I was God, I would get rid of it first. Jack said New Orleans. I dunno, I'd say I was right. Maybe just the US? Ha. I'm glad I'm not God for many reasons.

Celebrate good times, come on!

My levels today were 13.8! 
"Come again?!" Yes. 13. As in less than 20. I'm in shock and thankful. I can't believe it. I will get checked again next Thursday. Thank you for your continued prayers.
"I thank God for his gift that words cannot describe." 2 corinthians 9:15
You know I'm coming up with a themed zero party right now...

Ohhh

I forgot to update you- My doctor is pleased with my progress and we are continuing with the Actinomycin. My platelets are low, but this comes with the chemo. He said I just can't play rugby. So that's disappointing...  I will get my hcg levels again on Thursday.

Comparing

I promise I will stop quoting Bittersweet sooner than later. But here is a little nugget I thought was awesome.
I admit that it is so hard not to compare yourself to other people, especially as a woman to other women. I tell my clients all the time that it's just not fair to yourself to compare how you are doing to other moms. Even if you see them looking put together and their kid seems perfect, you are never seeing the whole story. I believe we need to help each other out and realize no one has it all together. No one. Every mom starts somewhere. Same thing with relationships with women in general. We all struggle at some point.
As women, our comparisons are stripping away our self-esteem and individuality. Here is the quote that I loved:
"She (my friend Nancy) told me that when you compare yourself to another person, you always lose, and at the same time the other person always loses, too. Each of us has been created by the hands of a holy God, and our stories and the twists and turns of our lives, the things that are hard for us, and the things that come naturally, are as unique to us an our own fingerprints. She told me that one way to ensure a miserable life is to constantly measure your own life by the lives of the people around you.
We slip into believing that it's better to strive for perfection than to accept and offer one another grace... God's grace, that allows me to fail and try again, that allows me to ask for help when i don't have the wisdom or patience I need, that reminds me we're not alone in this, and that God loves my son even more than I do... What has healed me more than anything else are the stories of other women who have experienced similar things."
One huge reason I write this blog is to reveal my weakness and hopefully portray transparency and encouragement to you. To let you know that it's okay to share our weakness and it even benefits us and others. Hey, it's still scary though to bare your soul, but I trust God will do something with it. I also trust my friends with my heart and want to be authentic. I'd hate to have others think I'm always put together.