Our church is going through the book of Jonah for the next several weeks. Today I was going over a study that Jack had found online that had some great insight. One point-God's purposes will be fulfilled either through us or in spite of us. Of course it's great to know it will be accomplished no matter what, but it stinks to think that you were by-passed and not experiencing it through you. Gosh, that stinks. It's bitter sweet, but great to know that just because I am sinful, doesn't mean that God will not use that. Another point-Jonah now resented the very same mercy which saved him. Dude, that is not good. Jonah was saved from drowning and being eaten by a fish by God's mercy and now he wants to deny the people of Nineveh that same mercy. He resented God being gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abundant in loving kindness. At first I couldn't relate to this because one thing I can relate to is mercy. It's why I can't watch a horribly violent movie without having a moral dilemma and why I can relate to those who are hurting. But then, God got me started to think. Work. Most of you know I've had a hard time with work in the recent couple of years and God has actually been pulling me out of that hatred and sickness over my job. I've actually been joyous about going. That's huge. God had been telling me to be in the moment he's presented me to. Dive in, Cindi. This day is this day. There are no more, as far as you know. So, God had me living in the present and trying to hear what he has to say through this seemingly hard time. So now I'm really diving in. Sometimes I am not so merciful to certain patients I come across... okay, wining patients. I want to choke them or tell them to suck it up. Terrible, I know, but I think most everyone would be the same way. God is challenging me to give them the same mercy I have received, even if they are drug abusers or lazy or just plain hurting from surgery and they didn't think they would hurt one iota. Whoa. 

One thing I've been trying to think about is transformation. Ben, our africa leader, challenged us to think about how the gospel makes a difference. How have we been transformed. Man, one thing I can see for sure is how he has transformed my relationships. He has blessed me beyond what I could imagine. Already I can see why God has left us in Nashville. Our Neighborhood Fellowship Group has been great in getting involved in others in the church along with our Africa team, school has just been wonderful,  and we have grown closer to several of our friends here. He has also been pulling me out of my fear of failure and to please others. I think that's why I am trying new things. I feel like I am somewhat grasping who I am, most importantly who's I am. It's a constant battle though and I can't wait to gain that confidence in him more and more. I cling to any scripture that tells how much God loves me, like today in Jonah "slow to anger and ABOUNDING in love" Abounding=plentiful. God loves me so much that there is love left over. 

On a lighter note, I got some shoes to march around in in Africa (I won't be marching, per Se... )

Crocs. Pink ones. Fuchsia to be exact. Now Lindsey makes it look cool, we'll see what I can do. Why is it so hard to cut off the tags off of some things? The fear of not being able to go back? By the way, these were SO on sale;).